Your Corporate Family

Most companies that you'll work for love to say how "we're all family." This is true of small businesses and large corporate enterprises. Here's what I've shared with my kids as they enter the workforce and why.

Let's not bury the lede.

You're not family.

Companies of all sizes find that referring to Employees as family creates a more empowering and engaging relationship with them.

It makes asking for things, large and small, easier and with unsaid, but seemingly obligatory, expectations to fulfill those asks. We now have an implied familal bond. The expectation is that, just as in a family, you would go above and beyond to help when asked and usually, even when not asked. After all, when your family asks for something, you do what you can to make it happen. You do things for them even when they don't ask. And in times of need, you sacrifice for the greater (familial) good. Sometimes [as companies prey on these emotions] above your own best interest to help the family.

Onboarding with these types of companies usually includes language such as “welcome to the family,” “you're one of us now," “we're here for you," and many more similar pick-up lines. That draw you in, sentence after sentence, phrase after phrase. Annual family picnics, Christmas parties (where spouses are not invited) and other events with your other family, all continue to hammer home the “we're family” mantra. With that, these sorts of asks are not too foreign:

We, your family, need you to push harder this week.
We need our family to push to make [insert goal].
We know it's [holiday], but we need to get this [goal] done [before your vacation].

It's always a version of this. Let's not kid ourselves, this feels nice. You're with this group of humans, eight hours a day, five days a week, every week of the month* - we spend a lot of time with them. And if we're lucky - we like them. Might even love them after a whole bunch of years. We might go to their homes for holidays, weddings, funerals and other family-oriented events. And then, one day:

We need to layoff 50 employees. You have been selected. Bye.

Odd, no one ever says:

We need to get rid of 50 family members. Sadly, you were loved less and ranked too low. Bye.

Hmm, interesting how family is rarely ever used when layoffs or diversifications are performed. The language becomes very business-y. The family talk is nowhere to be found. Until the next round of hires.

People ≠ Company

We should elucidate an important distinction here. The people where you work are not The Company. They can be family. You can befriend them, love them, hate them, build complete relationships outside of work and every other version of a relationship. In fact, this is where many of us make new friends, The family we choose. School, then work. It's hard to make a friend of a stranger at Starbucks.

This is fine. This is healthy. They Are Not The Company. This gets a bit tricky when we have to think about bosses, leaders, supervisors and when they are making decisions opposed to being given instructions. We won't delve too much into that, that's a tangent that deserves its own thoughts. But it is critical to realize that you can treat The Company as one thing and the people you interact with as another.

So, go ahead: Love away.

The Company

Here's the advice/truth:

You're just a number

To this company that now takes up ½ or more of your waking hours, you are just a number. “They” will put the company first and you somewhere next. They make decisions for what's best for The Company (including divesting itself from you). Making you feel important, engaged, empowered, needed, loved makes for a better employee - so it's done. For The Company. When you are no longer good for The Company, then you will no longer be family.

You're just a thing doing a thing for a result.

You for Them: The Work (whatever your role/task/result is)
Them for You: The Money (and also a different tangent: fulfillment).

And that's OK. This is the contract you want. This is the way it should be, it's objectively fair. You're just a number and they are just a job. We now understand each other.

The person you hire to [Pick One: lawn service, house service, pest control, car wash] will be let go by you when: you cannot afford them, or they don't do their job. Period. They are just a number. You may say “I LOVE MY PEST GUY! HE KILLS ALL THE ANTS AND ROACHES! I'VE HAD THEM FOR 10 YEARS. HE'S FAMILY” And you might hug them and ask about his kids when he comes over. And then, one day, when you are broke or the roaches don't go away, you're like “bye, felicia!” And that's that. It's a contract.

Now You're Sad

Don't be. Understanding the expectations from both sides ensures that your professional relationship remains healthy. That you're not lulled into thinking that the company you work for loves you so much that they'll never let you go or that you have to work super hard because otherwise you'll disappoint them. You get paid to do a job. Do the job, keep the job. They pay, you stay.

The people you meet, can become your family irrespective of The Company.

Now What

Now that you understand that it's a contract - sometimes literally with a signed documentation that has stipulations and a litany of expectations and reciprocals and whatnot, other times, a bit more fluid - we can go forth knowing how this works. (And you're OK with it). We understand how this relationship works. This makes the next part the most important part and one that you can only effectively execute if you understand the above.

You are worth a certain amount of money for the job that you do.
You have to negotiate your position.
Sometimes you get paid more or less than you deserve.
- The Company would love to pay you less; they pay more when they believe/know they have no choice (the same way you rather get free pest control).
You have to know your worth.
You have to be prepared and willing to leave for a new opportunity when they are presented.
You have to find opportunities; they don't always present themselves like an 18" 24K gold rope chain on a deserted beach.
Never stop:
- growing
- getting better
- expecting more
- asking
- Not being afraid (that was a double negative, not uncommon, but wanted to point it out since some consider it bad form)

All that to say: When you are ready, when you find something better (because you look and found or it found you), when you're tired, when you need a change, whenever you want: Move On. Go work for someone else. Say, “bye, Felicia” and get going. They will do it to you when they need to.

One Last Thing

This is already way longer than my initial mental stream was when I was dropping the browns off at the bowl, but I want to make sure that all of the above is not misconstrued into some sort of undesirable behavior: This doesn't mean you can be an asshole.

We need to be kind in this world. Help others. Raise others as you raise yourself. And sometimes, you raise someone from below you and push them above you. That's OK.

Looking out for yourself and understanding that dynamic, does not mean crushing others. Nor does it mean that leaving a wake of destruction and dead bodies behind you is OK. Adages to the rescue:

watch what toes you step on today, they might belong to the ass you have to kiss tomorrow
don't burn bridges (that you may need to cross in the future)
what comes around, goes around
you reap what you sow

My favorite is the Golden Rule (no smart ass, not that one): Treat others as you would like to be treated. If I was talking to a pious group, I might say Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. That does sound more impactful, if dated.

While in some cases there might be a fine line (leaving to a great opportunity leaves a co-worker in a bit of a lurch), most actions that benefit you can be done in a way that does not burn down Rome.

So, go to work and kick ass.